Relief!

December has been hell on my body, which is no different from anyone else in or around the Christmas celebrating world. After a slow start to the new year: a cold, some hold-over events, etc., today is finally the day that I'm well enough and have made the time to return to CrossFit and to eating like I know I should. There are so many emotions traditionally tied in with the first day of a new diet/new fitness routine/new something - excitement, fear, grief at the loss of your favorite snack. But today the most glaring is relief.

I am relieved to be done with guilt over eating something that I know will hurt my body. Not in the "I'll be fat and no one will love me" body-shaming way - but in the "I know that I am making a bad decision" way. (P.S. WHY!?) I'm relieved to have no longer given myself the leeway to make those bad decisions. We're done!

I am relieved to be back on the road to not feeling bloated and swollen. My fingers are still slightly sticky from last night's final "treat", my pants aren't as loose as they were a month ago, but that "blah" feeling is starting to fade. I can still recall the crazy days when I'd worked out enough, drank enough water, and eaten well - and I'm excited for another one of those days to happen soon! For as long as I can remember I've had these moments of envisioning "that magical time in the future where I'll finally get my shit together and get healthy". That "moment" was somewhere in the future for like 25 years. Now that I'm actually on the other side of one of those magical "moments", I'm relieved to be on my way again!