This is something I want to remember: Calutron Girls in Happy Valley

The Stranger doesn't like theater

I'm sick of The Stranger and their 'negativity makes you cool' attitude. I'm sick of dreading a Stranger review while simultaneously lusting after one. I'm sick of anxiously refreshing the page on Wednesdays, eyes squinted as if that could keep out the venom I'm sure is about to spew forth. I've been sick of it for a long time. Why do we continue to give them power? What would happen if we just stopped inviting The Stranger to see our work? Would the world end? Would lost theatergoers wander the post-Stranger streets aimlessly searching for something to see, hopeless without the snark-infested map they were once provided?

We all know that a Stranger review makes a difference. An actual, money-in-the-bank difference. Yet I'm willing to bet my favorite pair of skinny jeans that not one director or theater administrator has had this conversation: "I love having The Stranger review us! They write such thoughtful, thorough and topical reviews - I always know that when they write about my work it's going to be well deserved and honest, even if it's bad."

[Note: some of the preceding actually taken from a conversation I had with a director about another reviewer.]

Instead, what we've all said many times is something more akin to: "Why do they even bother reviewing theater? They don't write reviews - they write reviews of their experience seeing the show or how much they hate the topic the play was focused on or they write about themselves. Even if they DO bother to actually review the show, you have to wonder if they get paid by the bitchy remark."

We continue to empower The Stranger to criticize us for the sake of snark. We're the nerdy kid on the playground running up to the bully who's beaten us every day for the past week to show them our new comic - hoping he'll tell everyone how cool we are and getting beaten yet again. You know what, I don't need The Stranger to tell me how cool we are - and what's more, what do they know from cool, anyway?

I've written this post before in my head several times - always getting distracted before getting around to posting it. The review today of Hardball brought it all back again. (No, this isn't a petty response to a negative review that hurt my feelings. I can take it. Besides, the Hardball review wasn't even all that bad - I've absolutely read (and had) worse.) My behavior leading up to it and reaction now that it's out are a reminder of a silent understanding that we all just seem to put up with. The Stranger doesn't like theater - yet everyone listens to The Stranger's opinion about theater. How much sense does that make? It's like turning to Ann Coulter for advice on how to be a good feminist.

Please note, I'm not advocating the extinction of reviewers, we NEED them. For gods sake, call us on our bullshit. If we get overindulgent or analyze all meaning out of a story, if we waste two hours of your time masturbating on stage - call us on it!!! A "bad" review that's relevant to the work, that's well thought out and based on fact is a wonder to behold. We need more of those! We need reviewers who can react to what they're seeing intelligently and help us sort through what's out there. I just don't understand why we continue to lend credibility to an organization that mocks us because that's the popular thing to do.

So friends, seriously - let's stop empowering them. Don't invite them to your shows. Don't give them comps, or press packets. Don't ask Brendan to host your talk-back. Don't refresh the page every Wednesday, anxiously waiting for their opinion. Just stop. Their power comes from us, so let's take it back. I'd rather have a conversation with a well-informed, intelligent contemporary than a curmudgeonly Stranger any day.